By Ranpreet Kaur
PATIALA/PUNJAB: Itwas a beautiful morning, I reached my duty with same enthusiasm. But unlike other days, today I noticed something unusual as some of my colleagues were staring at me with a mystifying gesture. Without knowing the reason I moved on, met my fellow colleagues and came to know about my standing orders to work as frontline worker in corona unit. I took a deep breath after hearing this. Although I wanted to serve people over there but viewpoint of others to escape from the duty in the fear of getting infected frightened me somewhere in the deepest corners of my heart. All those who received the orders were in shock while others seems bit relieved as they consoled themselves by considering it as a duty of junior employees not senior ones.
I came back home, my 3 year old daughter rushed and hugged me but the fear of upcoming duty made me think that may be this was the last hug to my child. However, with the support of my family I started looking for a separate room to keep myself isolated for the next days. The fear of staying away from family, working in corona ward, getting infected and then spreading infection did not allow me to sleep for the whole night. Finally, on the first day of duty,as I got ready my family members were motivating me by calling me corona warrior , fighter and many more titles but I was able to realize their unexpressed concern regarding my health safety. I came out of my house while the little one was still sleeping.
Ultimately, I reached the isolation unit. The area was completely secluded from the rest of the hospital. The scary scenario made me panic a bit more . Upon entering the unit, we were provided with N-95 masks and PPE kits. The learnt phobia from the social media about the doubtful efficacy of PPE kit in prevention of infection, inability to breathe properly while wearing it immediately started bothering me. I packed myself by wearing twin masks and entered the ward. So, now this was the actual moment when I am going to attend to corona positive patients. My anxiety was raised to manifold. As advised by my well wishers, I was taking extra precautions like not touching door handles, not going even close to any unnecessary articles. Honestly speaking , I was even watching my foot steps to notice where I am placing my foot , is that place safe ?
I entered the first room, it took me 10 minutes to reach there as I was preoccupied with taking extra safety precautions. Slowly and slowly I approached the first patient, while standing at a distance from him I asked his name.To my surprise the 70 year old man stopped me there while asking me to keep his medicines there and that he will take them by himself. Upon asking the reason, he said “ I have lived my lives , you are still young and have to serve many more people” . A great gesture, But this made me more apprehensive. I completed my work and moved to the next patient. She looked at me with a sense of inner guilt and concern towards me. Without asking ,she told me that being paralyzed , she never came out of house but her family was blaming her in spreading infection as she was diagnosed first than the rest of family members. The 16 year old boy sitting on the other corner of room wanted to tell that not even a single of his friends have talked to him to know about his condition as they are feared of catching infection while calling him. I kept on moving from one patient to another ,taking care of them and forgot all the fears and worries that were bothering me ,making me weak from inside and creating a hurdle in the performance of my duty.
I finished my shift and these 8 hours of duty had shaken me from inside, the stories of patients were like a tight slap on my thoughts. After wearing such a protective gears, we are still worried to catch the disease, then what is the stigma of living with this corona disease. How strong they have to be, while fighting the disease from inside , and at the same time experiencing hatred from their friends , family , society and somewhere from the scared medical professionals as I was.They, not We, actually the real corona fighters. Living with a hope to win over the disease, where the others are not ready to even talk about it, is a really heroic.
After completion of this duty, I came home in very different frame of mind. Now I am feeling myself lucky to have served these patients. While sitting in the other corner of house I can hear the voices of my daughter but now I am not feeling the regret of staying away from her. I am going in a war where heroes are already fighting with the disease , they just need my little support medically as well as psychologically . I am not a fighter but I thank God for giving me opportunity to serve these fighters. Days went on, everyday with a new hope I performed my duty , so many fighters won the battle and left the war zone while others are still struggling . We , as a server , are helping them to confront.YES I AM NOT SCARED NOW. Dedicated to all those who are admitted in hospitals, staying away from families , fighting with COVID-19.
( The Writer Ranpreet Kaur is a Registered Nurse , Government Nursing College Rajindra Hospital, Patiala, Punjab, India and can be reached at +919417832748, email: navdeep854@yahoo.com).
